Whether it’s cheating, domestic violence or constant arguments, there are many reasons why relationships don’t work out. Yet many people aren’t aware that their thoughts play a key role in whether they stay together with someone or not. At the end of the day, your thoughts have a considerable influence on your feelings and the way you act. If you’re not careful, they can quickly become a self-fulfilling prophecy. That’s why you need to seriously consider how you think about yourself, your partner, and the relationship if you don’t want it to end.
These are seven thoughts that shouldn’t be going through your mind:
1. “I’m not good enough for him/her.”
Self-doubt can be very damaging to your relationship. If you feel you’re not good enough for your partner, you’ll always be worried that they could find someone “better” than you. And it’s not just fear of loss and jealousy that puts your relationship under constant strain — inferiority complexes often lead to psychological issues such as depression, anxiety or addiction which also cause the relationship to suffer.
2. “My partner has to be perfect.”
Why can’t she be slimmer? Why doesn’t he help out enough around the house? Why doesn’t he earn enough? Constant griping leads to bad feeling and conflict in a relationship. If you keep finding yourself criticizing your partner, you may need to rethink how you act towards them. Understand that nobody is perfect and focus more on your partner’s positive traits. Remember why you are with him or her in the first place and try to keep things harmonious when you’re together.
3. “Those in love spend every second with each other.”
Your partner would rather go out with their friends than lie on the couch with you? Well, that’s a clear sign: he/she doesn’t love you enough! If you think like that, you could be in for some trouble later on in the relationship. Most people need their own space now and then, so that they can have some time to themselves and meet up with friends. It’s totally normal and shouldn’t have you worrying about your relationship. But if you feel more single than in a relationship, you may need to discuss this with your partner. If your partner seems to be backing off, it doesn’t always mean that they’re cheating on you or wanting to break up with you. Sometimes, less harmless reasons such as stress at work or personal problems may be why they’re acting this way.
4. “Happy couples don’t argue.”
It’s a common misconception, as arguing keeps the relationship alive. Couples that no longer argue have usually given up on the relationship inside. However, arguments are only relationship builders when each person goes about discussing what they want from their partner in a respectful manner. There shouldn’t be any insults or apportioning of blame onto the other person.
5. “It’ll work itself out.”
If your relationship is encountering problems, sticking your head in the sand won’t make the situation any better. Instead, you have to tackle the issues head on, find solutions and be prepared to make compromises. The most important thing is that both people want to save the relationship. If you’re not making any headway, it may be worth turning to a couples therapist.
6. “Maybe there’s a better person out there for me.”
This thought can be extremely detrimental to the relationship. If you think this way, you may be more inclined to flirt with others or even cheat on your partner over time. Be aware that we all have our quirks and you’d soon find things about another person that would annoy you. Yet if you’re feeling permanently unhappy in your relationship and discussing issues with your partner doesn’t change anything, it may be time to think about breaking up. Sometimes, your current partner is not the right one for you.
7. “Lots of sex is part of a good relationship.”
Many people think that their relationship has hit the rocks when they’re having less fun in the bedroom. This is not true. Simply being close to someone by cuddling or passionately kissing is a wonderful way to show someone how much you love them. If couples feel less of an urge to have sex and are still happy together, it’s completely normal and there’s no need to worry about the relationship.
These thoughts definitely have no place in a harmonious relationship. As well as love and affection, a successful relationship is based on respect, trust, and effective communication with each other. We hope this advice helps you find true happiness with your partner!